


A Red Car and a Kiss

by thenparrish



Series: The Raven Cycle from a Different POV [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Declan and Matthew are mentioned, Happy Birthday Ronan Lynch, I just wanted to be on the safe side, I mean he's dead so..., M/M, Missing Scene, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Ronan overthinks everything, Sort Of, also Ronan swears too much, and expressing said feelings, but it isn't actually that bad, more of a rewrite actually, no worse than any time it's mentioned in the books, so is Niall Lynch, tagged as graphic depictions of violence because of Niall Lynch's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 01:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15741531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenparrish/pseuds/thenparrish
Summary: What was going through Ronan's head before, during, and after his first kiss with Adam.Also known as Ronan Lynch thinks too much.





	A Red Car and a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I own none of this, all credit goes to Maggie Stiefvater.
> 
> Thank you, Maggie, for writing such an amazing series with such amazing characters including canon gay and bisexual characters who aren't just there for background drama. Also male characters with actual feelings. Seriously, thank God for Maggie Stiefvater.

When Ronan had asked Adam to get aluminum foil, he hadn’t thought it would take this long. He was half afraid Adam had been eaten alive by some dream creature he hadn’t noticed he had brought back before it hid in one of the many unused bedrooms upstairs. He looked into Matthews room, but Adam wasn’t there, so he continued down the hallway.

He could see Adam through the door of his childhood bedroom. He was sitting on the bed holding a tiny red car.

The car reminded Ronan of every moment he had ever spent in this room. The first night he learned he could pull things out of his dreams, blue flowers scattered all the way across the room with the force of a nonexistent wind. The time Matthew had a nightmare and crawled into Ronan’s bed at 1:00 am before his first day of school. That last horrible night after Ronan had found his father. Before he knew that this would be the last time he would sleep in his room for more months than he cared to remember. When he had locked his door, and turned up his speakers, and thrown everything he could get his hands on at the door until Declan told him to shut the fuck up. When he had stormed out to go somewhere, anywhere but the barns — too littered with happy memories to bear — not knowing that he would spend the rest of his time up until this very moment wishing he could have spent just one more night there surrounded by the smell of home and happiness.

Adam looked up when Ronan stepped into his old room. He looked a little like had been caught stealing something. Ronan walked across the room enjoying the feeling of the old wooden floor under his bare feet. He sat down right next to Parrish, so close he could almost feel the heat radiating off his body, sure Adam could hear his heart beating its way out of his chest.

When Ronan had first gone back to the barns and cleaned up he had found one of his father's shirts shoved into a box under his bed. He had left it there. Too many unhappy memories came with touching it. He hadn’t thought, even then, that he could ever come here and think of anything but his father’s lifeless body, surrounded by blood and brains and whatever else came out when someone’s head got beaten in with a metal rod. But now, all of his memories came to him as a flash of color and sound. More like a subplot than the main storyline. Right now, every spare brain cell that wasn’t busy worrying about Cabeswater, or Matthew, or his mother, was focused on the two inches between him and Adam Parrish.

Their fingers brushed when Adam handed him the car and Ronan immediately forgot about everything he had wanted to say.

“This old thing,” he muttered as he turned the front tire.

He turned the car over in his hands turning each tire and hearing each song that played from the magical music box, but he wasn’t thinking about any of it. He had run this scene over and over in his head, late at night when he couldn’t sleep and even the heavy pounding of electronica in his headphones couldn’t distract him. He had thought about what he would say, what he would do, but he had never settled on anything. How did you confess to being head over heels for your best friend?

_Hello Adam, I can’t stop thinking about you._

_Dear Adam, when you touch me I feel like I might faint._

_Adam, my man, every nightmare I have is about losing you._

Come to think of it, Ronan wasn’t even sure Adam liked men, let alone him. He had gone over each of their interactions again and again. Did Adam know he was looking? Was he looking back? Ronan was sure he had caught Adam’s eyes quickly looking away at least once, but how could he be sure. Was Adam’s hand on his arm just friendly, or was it something different? Something more? He didn’t even know how to ask.

_Yes, hello person that somehow means more to me than anyone else ever has, do you perchance find yourself attracted to men? If yes, is one of those men, perhaps, me?_

No. That was stupid. If he could, Ronan would punch himself in the face for these thoughts. He needed to say something, to do something. To tell Adam how he felt. He couldn’t keep it a secret forever, and he would rather get rejected outright than live the rest of his life hopelessly in love with Virginia’s next governor, or whatever the hell Adam wanted to do with his life.

_Tell him, tell him, tell him._

Ronan put the car down and took a deep breath letting it out with an audible sigh of resignation.

_Fuck it._

He didn’t let himself think before his lips met Adam’s. If he had, he would have chickened out. As it was, he was just on the verge of pulling away and running when Adam kissed him back. Adam’s lips were chapped and Ronan had no idea what he was doing, but it was heaven. In a million dreams, he could never have imagined this.

He pulled away slightly and thought he felt Adam’s lips chasing his, or maybe he was just imagining it. But then Adam leaned toward him and they kissed again. The sparks of it shot town Ronan's spine and made him feel alive.

_Fucking hell._

He sat back and swallowed, trying to get his heart rate under control. He couldn’t open his eyes. He was scared to see what Adam looked like now. Would he be disgusted? But he couldn’t be. He wouldn’t have kissed him back. He couldn’t open his eyes. Adam had kissed him back. Adam fucking Parrish had kissed him back Ronan felt like he was about to explode. He couldn’t open his eyes, but then he did.

Adam looked surprised, but there was a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Ronan could still feel his lips burning like they were on fire. He wanted to look away but found that he couldn’t take his eyes off Adam, not when Adam was looking back at him.

He stood up, still unable to tear his eyes away. Was this how first kisses were supposed to feel: like the world had just ended and been re-created in the same moment. His breath was still shaky, and he both wanted to run away and never leave.

“I’m gonna go downstairs,” he heard his mouth say, and then he took one last look at Adam and turned on his heel to go back the way he came.

He didn’t go downstairs. Instead, he mindlessly wandered into his parents' room and locked the door. He didn’t even notice he was crying until he felt a tear rolled down the side of his face and had to cover his mouth to keep from screaming. He had kissed Adam Parrish, and here he was, still alive and breathing. His face already hurt from smiling. In the back of his mind, a little voice said that Adam hadn’t actually given him any sort of confirmation, but he could ignore it for now. He wanted to jump up and down, he wanted to scream it from the rooftops, he wanted to hug somebody and never let go.

After a few minutes, Ronan unlocked the door and went downstairs. He passed by the kitchen and went outside, only stopping to put on shoes when he remembered just how muddy it was outside. He needed fresh air, and time to think, and to enjoy the moment before his doubt set in again. And he needed to stop his brain from repeating that one moment over and over again like a record skipping on the last few notes of the final song. Adam Parrish had kissed him back and he had no idea what it meant, but he was damn well going to find out. He set off in the direction of the barn with the easiest to climb roof, still smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece of fanfiction I have ever written so please tell me how I can improve. Seriously, I have no idea what I'm doing. Also, this is unbetaed so any blatant mistakes in grammar and or spelling are entirely my fault.
> 
> I think it's pretty much canon by now that Adam really was Ronan's first kiss, so that's what I went with.


End file.
